Tales from the Darkside: The Movie (2000) – Summary and Review

Tales from the Darkside: The Movie has a run time of a little over one and a half hours. It’s an anthology of three short stories, or four if you count the wraparound story that binds them together.

In the wraparound story, a young boy named Timmy is being held prisoner by a witch called Betty (Debbie Harry), who looks just like any other suburban housewife and is busy preparing for a dinner party. Timmy is destined to be the dish of the day and his time is running out. In an effort to delay Betty, Timmy reads her some stories from her favourite book: Tales from the Darkside. Jimmy’s attempts to distract his captor are the glue that holds the four stories together.

The first story “Lot 249”, was written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. It’s about a graduate student called Bellingham who buys an item at auction (Lot 249 ). The delivery men are dropping off his purchase (it is in a rather large box), when Bellingham’s classmates, Andy and Lee, arrive on the scene, just in time to see him open it up. It contains a sarcophagus. Inside the sarcophagus, there is a mummy and it is one ugly-looking dude.

Andy lives in the same building as Bellingham and is on reasonably good terms with him. Lee, on the other hand, who is going out with Andy’s sister Susan, is not on such good terms with Bellingham and there is more than a little animosity between the two. Bellingham feels he has been wronged by Lee, and has no qualms about turning to his new mummy for help.

“Cat From Hell” is based on a story by Stephen King. This central character,Mr Drogan, is a wealthy but wheelchair-bound business man who hires a hit man named Halston. The hit? A black cat.

Killing household pets is not in the killer’s usual line of work and, as Drogan explains the job to him, the angry hit-man thinks that Drogan is having a laugh at his expense. But when Drogan throws him an envelope full of money he sees that the expense is going to be Drogan’s after all.

Halston is obviously curious to know how the cat has offended enough to warrant such a bounty on its furry little head, and he listens attentively as Drogan explains how the feline in question killed all the other members of the household. Now only Drogan remains and he plans on getting the cat before it gets him. After their chat, Drogan leaves the house while Halston takes care of business. Halston has guns and knives at his disposal, and even a syringe full of poison. It should be an easy hit, but this cat really does seem to have nine lives. As for the hitman, he only has just one.

The final Tale from the Darkside is “Lover’s Vow”, written by Michael McDowell. It’s the story of a down-at-heel and down-on-his-luck artist called Preston. Things are going from bad to worse for the poor guy. First, his agent dumps him. Then later the same night he witnesses one of his friends being murdered by a gargoyle. There seems little point to the murder, but Preston’s friend quickly goes to pieces and finally loses his head entirely, while the amazed artist can only stand and watch in shock.

Before Preston has a chance to escape the gargoyle is upon him and promises to spare his life if he keeps what he has seen a secret. Preston agrees. He has a good head on his shoulders and wants to keep it that way. The gargoyle scratches a warning onto Preston’s chest—a little something to remember to forget him by—and then flies off into the night.

Strangely enough, the encounter with the gargoyle seems to mark a turning point in Preston’s life. He flees the crime scene and runs into a beautiful girl called Carola. The dusky maiden accompanies him home, one thing leads to another, and they fall in love. Carola even puts in a good word for him with the owner of a major art gallery and Preston is suddenly a man on the up.  However, as the years pass though, and now with two children, will Preston still manage to keep his promise to the gargoyle, and if not what will the consequences be for his family?

I enjoyed the Tales from the Darkside movie. There is a little blood and gore here and there in all of the stories, but the movie was made in 1990 so it is nothing in comparrsion tothe glorious technicoloured splatter fests available in more modern movies. I felt no need to wretch anyway, even when someone’s brain was being hooked out by a bent coat hanger (useful things coat hangers).

The special effects in Tales from the Darkside: The Movie are very good, but again, nothing in comparison with today’s CGI masterpieces of technical trickery. I think viewers who have grown up on a diet of modern movies and special effects may view Tales from the Darkside with a slightly critical eye, but older viewers, who can remember movies with rubber monsters and the almost-invisible strings that worked them, will find it easier to appreciate the movie and concentrate on the stories.

Oh… did you want to know what happened to Timmy? Did that nasty witch Betty eat him? Sorry guys, I’m not saying: mummy is the word, the cat has got my tongue and a mean old gargoyle has sworn me to silence.

When I wrote this review of  Tales from the Darkside: The Movie it was only available to buy or rent as a DVD. That was a while ago and things have changed. Tales from the Darkside: The Movie is now available on Blu-Ray disc and it’s also possible to stream the movie via a variety of platforms including Amazon Prime Video.

CAST

Debbie Harry … Betty (wraparound story)
David Forrester … Priest (wraparound story)
Matthew Lawrence … Timmy (wraparound story)

Christian Slater … Andy (Lot 249)
Robert Sedgwick … Lee (Lot 249)
Steve Buscemi … Bellingham (Lot 249)
Donald Van Horn … Moving Man (Lot 249)
Michael Deak … Mummy (Lot 249)
Julianne Moore … Susan (Lot 249)
George Guidall … Museum Director (Lot 249)
Kathleen Chalfant… Dean (Lot 249)
Ralph Marrero … Cab driver (Lot 249)

David Johansen … Halston (Cat From Hell)
Paul Greeno … Cab driver (Cat From Hell)
William Hickey … Drogan (Cat From Hell)
Alice Drummond … Carolyn (Cat From Hell)
Dolores Sutton … Amanda (Cat From Hell)
Mark Margolis … Gage (Cat From Hell)

James Remar … Preston (Lover’s Vow)
Ashton Wise … Jer (Lover’s Vow)
Philip Lenkowsky … Maddox (Lover’s Vow)
Robert Klein … Wyatt (Lover’s Vow)
Rae Dawn Chong … Carola (Lover’s Vow)
Joe Dabenigno … Cop #1 (Lover’s Vow)
Larry Silvestri … Cop #2 (Lover’s Vow)
Donna Davidge … Gallery Patron (Lover’s Vow)
Nicole Leach … Margaret (Lover’s Vow)
Daniel Harrison … John (Lover’s Vow)